Ah, it feels good to be back in my proper shoes, Dearhearts, Soon to be Dearhearts, and all you fabulous Dear Readers! For my last article, I forced myself to step quite a bit out of my comfort zone and set the wings aside for a moment so I could craft a more serious piece. It happens! Surprise! But now I’ve got my wings back on and I’m ready to flit over some advice to the newest questions I found waiting for me in my question box. Before I can go on some dust-filled tangent, let’s get right to it.
I have a dear hart, but I’m not sure if they are still interested. What is the best way to get them to re-notice me?
I will admit this one will be difficult to answer, mainly because of the lack of other information. Do you and your Dearheart see each other every sun? Once a week? Once a moon? The answers to those would all be answered slightly different, so I’ll go for a more broad-winged approach here. And before anyone says anything, the advice of ‘show up to their house naked’ miiiiiiight not be the best, depending on the circumstances of course. There’s a time and a place for everything.
Is your Dearheart particularly stressed about something going on in their life? Or is your Dearheart just plain overly busy flitting about here and there with activities that aren’t on their normal schedule of events? If you answered ‘yes’ to either of these, what your Dearheart needs the most is patience, understanding, and quite possibly a shoulder to lean against. If either of these are the case, then I have little doubt it’s not you they’re not interested in, but in fact they are quite comfortable with your status as it is and is instead needing to put more focus on these other things first. They’ll notice you again, when they have time to breathe and time to settle a bit of the dust. I doubt you’re far from their mind anyway, life just sometimes has a way of throwing curving gusts at us from time to time.
If neither of those are the case, then it’s time you had a sit-down with your Dearheart. Gently explain to them how you’re feeling, that you still care in the same way you always do but that you’re feeling a little lost and lonely and would like to listen if there’s something that maybe caused this potential lack of interest. And as always, the very best way to get someone to notice or re-notice you is by being yourself. Was there something you used to do for them that you haven’t in a while? It might be worth trying that again! Whatever you do or do not end up doing though, communication is necessary. Whether it’s just saying to them ‘I’m here for you through this difficult time, lean on me when things get too rough’ or saying ‘I care about you so much and I miss the time we used to spend, I’d like for us to spend more time together again’ being open and honest is your best bet.
And be kind to yourself, too. There is a possibility you’re just feeling low -yourself- for whatever reason, and projecting some of that melancholy onto their action or what you feel is a lack of action. I really truly hope this helps you, Dear Reader, for it always breaks my heart a little when I hear about Dearhearts having issues. Dearhearts will always have issues, but so long as you grow and change and prosper with your Dearheart in the best of times, you will absolutely make it through the worst.
Dear Wes, I am very shy and struggle to approach people, but I’ve recently started working in a place where it’s required of me, and I’ve also been struggling to make friends. Do you have any advice to help me find more confidence in myself and to be more outgoing ?
Oh boy! Sounds as if you’ve got a bit of a breeze kicking up dust around you, huh? First things first, Dear reader, being outgoing or not being outgoing is just kind of.. how we are. Sure we can train ourselves to be more ‘outgoing’, but truthfully it will always be a bit of a ruse. Now, approaching people? That’s something we can work on. Confidence also. How, then? Well, getting yourself a job where you have to approach is actually quite helpful already. Because you can’t retreat behind your wings and cocoon everything out, you must interact. What you might find helpful is to make some generic cue cards. Write down a few phrases that you hear your co-workers say when they approach someone, and practice these with the friends that you already have.
You said though that you’re struggling to make some, maybe take this as an opportunity too? If you see someone and you’d like to get to know them, a great icebreaker is always ‘Hey, can you help me with this little issue I have?’ The issue in this case being, ‘does this phrase work when I say it this way, or should I try something else?’. Usually the biggest factor in breaking that ice is having something to talk about! Let me tell you, the sheer number of people who have walked up to me and asked about my robe.. whew! Complimenting someone on their attire, so long as it’s a genuine compliment, can do wonders toward getting a conversation rolling. Or talking about a situation or event that you both just witnessed, the sharing of thoughts there can easily get chatter flowing. You just need a focus, a starter if you will. The rest should then waft along a gentle breeze.
Now. The issue of confidence. This is a struggle so many have, and it isn’t so easy to get past either. Again, what is needed though is focus. Find something you know you’re good at, and spend some time honing that skill. Maybe you’ve been complimented before on your smile? Make sure you smile to everyone you approach! Maybe you’re known for your beautifully put together attire? Be sure to wear something that you know you look good in! For those of us who are more shy (Ok I’m definitely not looking at -you- Shy, because you’re not really shy at all except in name!) it can be a hassle to exude self confidence. You have to start small, work your way up, and… hard as it may be.. that old phrase ‘fake it till you make it’ actually rings quite true here. Once you set yourself in a certain routine, you’ll start finding that what used to be forced will soon come naturally. And before you know it, you’ll be like me.. wearing a robe with butterfly wings on it! Alright maybe not just like me, I do like being pretty much the only butterfly around, but you’ll find your own confidence boosters that might not be quite so off the flight path.
At this time I’d like to add a little extra than what I normally do. As you all know, you can always pick up a Matchy Dates form at the Daily Moogle offices, turn it in to me, and I’ll send you a letter with the name of your date once I find one suitable. Therein lies the current problem. I have several forms turned in, but none of them are good matches! I need more forms! I need more matches! I would -love- to help you find your very own Dearheart, but I can’t do that if nothing matches! So if you’ve ever -thought- about putting in a form and just didn’t do it, now is your chance! The opportunity is ripe with possibilities, just fill out the form and I’ll get to work! Until next time, may the beauty of a flower ever be in your thoughts if you cannot be near…